Pills and What Matters


The awareness surges me into reality. Lupine drives a hard bargain for presence. I find the trivial much more distasteful and the look in her face more enigmatic as the next things I really need to do in my life. Pill schedules, how much and when and timed around any somewhat normal life has beckoned me to use a tiny book my friend Stephanie gave me nearly a year go. On the cover it reads;”she happens to speak dog. She understood it to mean, sometimes it’s necessary to howl, no matter who you wake up.” Lupine and I stayed with Stephanie and Freddy  a few times and Lupine loves the basket of toys that belonged to their dog. Freddy leans into the basket and chooses a toy they can wrestle over and Lupine claims  one of her own sometimes. Our time there is punctuated by a racoon staring into the sliding glass door in the room we stay in on the lower floor and Lupine going wild staring into it’s eyes. It is also eventful with a family of skunks that live under the deck when on one late nite after being in town we roll up and I barely have Lupine in the yard and she has unfortunately confronted a skunk and I am out there washing her down time after time with her thick peach colored fur holding the “ode de skunk”.

One evening I let her out for a short pee in the back yard and as I look out the big bay window in the living room I see this drive in movie screen of skunk and dog. Lupine is rounding the corner as the skunk appears with one of her youngsters in tow. I watch Lupine as she goes into reverse and her nose cranks up and down as the skunk stands still. I go to the front door and Lupine eagerly comes in the front door and the skunk moves on to her night time adventure. I decide and have known for a long time Lupine is a quick learner and accessing things quickly. She scared off a homeless person who seemed high and wanted money from me and she greeted a woman that had dementia and loves animals with licks and nuzzles as they locked eyes. Her discrimination always seems always for the greater good in most instances I recollect.

Lupine loved my best friend that died a few years ago. My friend, Alie was not really a dog person and Lupine is alot of dog but she did develop a liking to her. When Alie was dying and was in the front studio room with others around her Lupine was in the car outside the window. When Alie took her last breathe staring into her daughters eyes wordless we all were there hushed and in a pool of grace and fathomless sky. I went outside a short while after and let Lupine into the front yard below the window and she pulled herself up to the window sill and a wind picked up she chased it moving through the tall ornamental grasses like a spirit walking quickly to the sea. Lupine seemed in that moment to track the unknown, the unseen as she becomes quiet like the rest of us as we prepared Alie’s body and washed her with herbs we gathered in the neighborhood.It was a renegade act to take plants from the yards but there is so much lavender and rosemary by the sea that it would not be missed and it is a blessing for all the love Alie gave to the world around her.

Lupine seems to want to greet everyone right now and so I figure it is her blessing in the months she has left and so we need to be out and about each day for that to happen. I am introducing her to strangers and asking them if they would like to meet her and tell them a bit about her. Lupi is a liaison to life and a path to the heart each moment of my life like sunrise, and moon set and the first stars that flicker at night.

Animals are so forgiving as we plunder so much of our world and have them carry our neurosis but it seems one by one a dog is a kind of emissary to the heart of nature, and the deep place of wild.


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