Dec.7

The phone rings and a tech from the oncology office calls. She wants to know how Lupine is and “is she still eating.” I immediately pick up on the guilt trip of someday your dog will not eat routine towards a treatment plan, and we are here to help you, and I let her know I am not interesting in treatments they offer but will speak to them about meds when I need them. I seethed for a while and then called the Doctor the next day and left a message on their weekend machine. I said basically it was a joke that they would call and ask if my dog was “still eating” since they saw her a day ago, sassy and eating and wonderful looking, and how very fine she is right NOW. I feel like I am this exposed wire and everything is touchy. I feel the pressure from the new tenant I just moved into the small rental I have about six hours from here around things to be done and then after all the doing she and her boyfriend have found a place out of town but I remind her we have a lease until March the first and either she or I have to find a new tenant and until then I collect rent. I try and see her leaving as a blessing but then I thought it was great when she showed up while I was at the house cleaning it for a new tenant and liked her well enough and we made the deal. I snapped at a girlfriend for in attention when I was looking forward to sharing this time. I was in my mind tired of all the self centered stuff and just have to look to myself and keep a good heart with Lupine and not try and wage too many wars at once or wage any.

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