Lupine feels elsewhere today. I see her enjoying the sun in the cold air and just watch her as I eat an egg salad sandwich outside not too far from her. I am feeling not connected to my own life and some of it maybe how I feel her slip away and yet be here. I imagine the illness will drive her more deeply into itself. It was lovely the other morning when she leaned against the couch and wanted her chest rubbed.

Today I was going through the motions in yoga like it all seemed flat to me. It is the error of the mind thinking everything is familiar or some downtrodden dialogue that is incapable of seeing things fresh.

Last night face aching with nerve pain, and slamming me to the pillow I knew I had not been taking care of myself. I could not find comfort inside of me or outside of me. Today I want Lupine to walk with me and not yank me to some distant smell but we wander more then I would like and she could do that for hours. I do feel much joy when she seems engaged and not just hurting or slowed down by a pain killer.


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