Now that it is spring Lupi wants to go to her spot. She often is there in her nest when I am asleep in that side of the bedroom. I have been in the living room with her but last night she goes and knocks on the bedroom door to signal she wants to go outside. It is a tender knock, and I was glad to take a couple of pictures of her during the day on her hill and like the funny hazy one where she seems in an aura. I will need to put her down probably this Thursday. I know she can hang in there and at times I think she wants to but I feel that less so and draining her. I feel like the tumor is taking over her nose, mouth and energy. It is lovely to see her awake this morning and seemingly with her own energy as much as she can muster. How much I will miss not seeing her each day.
Unless you look close and know her muzzle it is hard to tell with all her abundant fur and eager face that her mouth is a total disaster. She looks like she has this open smile and other times a grimace or maybe growling. It has been a terrible disease and yet we have weathered this process and learned how to do this together, how to give to it and let go. I am truly grateful for the herbs and CBD tincture and my ability to keep learning and doing what I can in both worlds. It is difficult that still in health care alternative and medical stay so far apart or the alternative becomes so exclusive people cannot afford the help.I found some kindness from the little herb shop here, and voices on the internet, fellow dog people in Natural Dog Training and of course friends. It is hard to confront death and forever and not trust in the on going-ness of existence.
As my friend’s children have babies and life keeps moving and as long as we are here there is the ability to love, serve and remember.
She is going her own way and defies me to go my own as well. Such is the nature of a teacher they have to kick you off the cushion.