A pal has lost his dog today, he had to put her down after dealing with cancer in her mouth as well. I wonder if my dog and his will meet up. They have never met but my dog met her dear guardian friend so maybe they will run into one another if Lupine mentions his name. It is a small world they say.
As I leave yoga tonight and look at the stormy sky I wish that Lupine would be waiting in the car for me. I would let her out and she would run the length of the parking lot to a funny grassy swamp that becomes a lake when it rains as she splatters in it, pees on the pampas grass in muddy humps.
The other day I came to this same lot and spot and brought a trash bag and cleaned the cans and bits that build up during the week. I did that many times with Lupine in tow. I saw us walking there along the edge of the mud and the moments she would head to the center and I would sink in the mud.
I edited at work today towards the homestretch about the garden but when the hour came when my friend’s dog would be put down in the east I stopped and just sat there praying that there would be ease for her take off and not like Lupine.
I call two vets in California earlier in the day to tell them what has happened and they said they have never seen that in their practice and said it sounds like they gave a drug that was not simply a sedative and gave her too much. I felt sane that they confirmed what I experienced.
I do not know why everything in NM has been harsh with Lupine and vets since August but it has and I ask something everyone must ask when facing this kind of thing; why the universe could not be gracious enough to allow a peaceful death after so much brave suffering and love with Lupine.
I think I am in the angry phase right now. My friend dealt with the same not listening with the vets and misdiagnosis as myself. It was and is maddening.