Ashes, Ashes, All Fall Down

I mailed off two more packets of ashes today. One is going to Paonia, Colorado and a friend will take them to the creek where Lupine played as a pup and the area she was born. The other packet will go to the Gila River where Lupine really grew up, swam and played with Dancer dog and we hadencounters with wild pigs and ring tail cats and the works.

I stand in line at the post office and people are there with piles of things to mail and it seems a long time but I just take in the day. I worked at the office and before I went there I went on a long walk on the urban trail.

It is so odd to help with projects at work, and never be invited into the projects itself when it is taped to watch. Work is a two man band and that is how it is and other old friends that are men and probably more skilled. I certainly have asked. Most projects with native peoples here is a contained community but I hear about the visit to the old photographer Lee Marmon they went out to meet with about use of photos that are amazing that capture the rituals and the life which was strong before any of us lived here but it seems I cannot even be a fly on a wall.

I know it is not about me but it is the system here and the private way these folks work in their lives, and I need to say I am tired of solo. I know how much Lupine and I created our own adventures and so I feel that absence even more strongly when I am around work. I feel lonely.

This is Paonia and where Lupi was a pup and this is the Gila River where she spent some of her early adolescence and her ashes will fly into the creek and the river of both of these places and I am grateful.

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