Lupine died today a month ago at 11:00am against her will. I feel her fight and energy to live. Today I am sitting on the toilet in the bathroom and right in front of my nose there is this yellow jacket buzzing to be let out. It flies up and away from my face to the mirror and looks at its reflection curiously. I climb up on the sink, and put it in a glass and take it outside to the wisteria in bloom next door.
When I go to my computer there is a note from my friend up in Paonia that he has set Lupi’s ashes into Minnesota Creek in Apple Valley in Paonia where she was a pup and I first found her just outside of town mixed in with horses leaning into me when I arrived, wolf dog parents, and cattle in the distance. I think about the trepidations I held at that time given her wild sense and overly bitty nature as a pup that eventually turned into a scar under my eye. I could tell she was a force to be reckoned with but I kept choosing her. One other time I thought it might be best to stay with my partner when we split up but that faded and when we moved I drove to the south from the north and she rode with me close to my chest like velcro in the car the whole ten hour drive through the Colorado mountains and pass.
What a good thing she was full of something so vital I could always find it and I still do in the clear air ,and the flowers and sensing her rebirth in this season, and feel that time in fall during her puppy entry to life. Her bite that one the time was fear and not some attack but it was a close call for my eyesight. I have her mark and we are related like blood sisters.
I saw this sign on my evening walk last night and looked over to the path against the fence we would zip out to early within the complex where we have been living and happy to feel maybe she is out there with the coyotes winding up at dusk.